After a while I demanded (although I don't remember demanding) to go Sunday school at All Saints Church Alton, with my sister. Some time passed and at the age of 14 I was invited to a Scripture Union Camp called Hi-Tech Hobbies, which is a very boring name for a very fun camp. It was there that I learnt more about Jesus, and what Christianity really meant.

I kept going back for three years as a camper, and after that time the leaders asked me to come as a junior leader for the next year. At this time I knew I wasn't a Christian, but I went anyway. That week confirmed my feelings, I wasn't a Christian, and I was trying to give out something that I hadn't got. After that I decided to give up going to camp, and give up going to church, since I found I was just going through the motions, and it meant nothing to me. I was 17 when I gave up on anything God related.

For a year I found myself getting deeper and deeper into things that I now regret. When I found that getting drunk wasn't enough, I started to smoke dope. I also found that pornography was easy to get hold of over the Internet.

None of it could satisfy me though, and I found that I was living two separate lives, one that the world saw, a fairly happy young bloke who tried to be polite to, at least, other peoples parents. And another life that was full of hate, for myself and for the world around me. I was fine when I was with other people, I didn't have to think too much. But, at night, when I was alone, I didn't want to live anymore. I never got as far as taking my own life, but I certainly thought about it.

At this all time low, James (a good friend of mine) invited me to a night club called Bo-jangles which was being taken over for the night by a church in Guilford. Immediately I said NO. But James wouldn't take that as an answer, and continued to invite me every day for two weeks. On the Saturday before the night he spent three hours on the phone to me, persuading me to go with him. In the end I said yes, because it was more hassle not to.

So I went to this night club and didn't think much of it, until the bloke leading it asked if anyone would like to come up to the front. At which point I felt like I had to go up there, it was a feeling like if I didn't go, my intestines would go without me. So I went, and while I was there I really prayed for the first time. It wasn't the most intellectual prayer ever. I challenged God to exist, and if he did, then prove it to me, and if he didn't, then this was the last chance I was going to give him.

Safe to say God does exist, and he proved it. At that moment he took away all my depression, for the first time in years I felt true joy. Since then my life has got a whole lot better, its not at constant party, but Jesus has helped me at every stage.

I have now been a Christian for two years.

By Neil Attril (November 2001)

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