Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children."

You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and shut up.

Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your children.

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like cleaning the driveway before it has stopped snowing.

I asked Mum if I was a gifted child ... she said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me.

We child proofed our home three years ago and they're still getting in!

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.