The average person will gain six pounds during the Christmas season. Here are guidelines for Christmas eating:

1. If you eat something and no-one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

2. If you drink a diet drink with chocolate, the calories in the chocolate are canceled out by the diet drink.

3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you don't eat more than they do.

4. Drink used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as mulled wine, brandy, and sherry.

5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, you look thinner.

6. Biscuits pieces and crumbs contain no calories; the process of breaking causes calorie leakage.

7. Things licked off spoons have no calories, especially home-made brandy butter.

8. Foods with similar colouring have the same calories, ie. turkey and white chocolate.